Whether you have a mental health diagnosis or not, life is hard. Climate change continues to contribute to extreme weather like the wildfires in Los Angeles and the hurricanes on the east coast, wars continue around the world, threats of new diseases continue to make news headlines, and politics continue to separate us. That’s not to mention the demands placed on us on a day-to-day basis from things like parenting, working, financial stress, and maintaining relationships. Stress is a universal human experience. While some of us may experience stress more or less often than others or at varying intensities, none of us are immune. If you are feeling the weight of the world, you are not alone and there are things you can do to cope.
Remember the basics: When life gets hard, many people tend to neglect themselves despite hardship being the time when we need the most care. All humans need food, water, sleep, movement, and human connection. When we stop eating, sleeping, moving our bodies, connecting with loved ones, or taking care of our hygiene, we are much more vulnerable to the stressors of life overwhelming our nervous systems. This means we may be more reactive, feel less able to cope effectively, and may act in ways that are not in line with our values. Self-care (not the bubble bath kind but the kind that makes you brush your teeth before bed even when you are exhausted) is most important when life is hard.
Healthy boundaries: 24/7 news is not healthy for our nervous systems. Working outside of our work hours or on vacation can lead to burnout. Saying yes when we really mean no can build resentment. Not having and communicating healthy boundaries is a path to overwhelm. A simple definition of boundaries is identifying and communicating what is okay and what is not okay in certain contexts. Boundaries may change as our capacity or circumstances change, and we need to clearly communicate boundaries and any changes to them with others. Boundaries are also important for the relationship we have with ourselves. Holding ourselves to our own limits is an important part of self care.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness, as defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, means paying attention on purpose to the present moment without judgment. This means letting go of the past and the future and staying grounded in the here and now. It also means letting go of judgments about your experience in the here and now. Judgments are human and normal, and oftentimes increase suffering. Practicing a nonjudgmental stance is the difference between accepting that I didn’t get everything done today that I hoped to and telling myself I’m a failure and stupid. Many people believe if we are hard on ourselves we will do better, but research shows that judgments increase emotional intensity which makes it much more difficult to problem-solve. Especially when things are hard, the facts are enough to deal with without adding unhelpful judgments on top.
Breathe: Most of us do not breathe into our diaphragm and instead take short, shallow breaths into our chest. Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a universal way for us to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, or our state of calm (rest, digest, reset). To do this correctly, place one hand on your belly and one on your chest. Breathe into the hand on your belly. As you breathe, the hand on your belly should move more than the hand on your chest. Once you have that down, slow your breathing down to about six breaths per minute and be sure to exhale longer than you inhale. Counting can be helpful to stay focused and keep track, just don’t forget to keep breathing deeply into your belly. Breathing will not solve your problems, but it will help your nervous system stay regulated enough to do your own problem-solving.
Self-compassion: Self-compassion, as defined by researcher Kristin Neff, has three main components: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Mindfulness helps us to stay in the present moment and accept our current experience without judgment. It is the middle ground between ignoring our own suffering and over-identifying with it. Common humanity is recognizing that pain is part of the human experience and connects us to all other humans. We are not alone. This is the middle ground between dismissing or ignoring our own pain because others have it worse (comparative suffering is not helpful) and feeling we are the only ones who suffer. Self-kindness means treating ourselves like we would treat a child or a loved one. This is the middle ground between ignoring our own pain and being our own harshest critic about our pain. Think about when a child does something that is not okay, like taking a toy from a friend. Do you berate them to fix that behavior? No. You talk to them, gain understanding, identify consequences, clarify boundaries, and help them repair the situation and learn from it. This is much more effective than any harsh punishment or yelling.
Lean into your values: Living a life guided by our values helps us find meaning and purpose in life. Living our values is not always easy, and it’s worth it. Not sure what your values are? Try the values card sort activity (there are many free online versions) to identify what is most important to you. Then break those values down. What does it mean to live that out in your life? What are goals related to your values? What are action steps you can take to move towards your values?
Get support: If life continues to feel unmanageable and your stress is impacting your ability to function, therapy is always an option.
If you or a loved one are in need of emergency/crisis support, call 988 to be connected to a mental health crisis line, call 911, or go straight to your nearest emergency room department. You can also text “HELP” to 741741 or call the National Suicide Hotline number at 1-800-273-8255. Walk-In Counseling Center in Minneapolis and Walk-In Crisis Services at Urgent Care in St. Paul both offer free walk-in therapy services.
Disclaimer: This newsletter is a brief synopsis of information about taking care of your mental well-being that is intended for informational purposes in order to spread awareness, decrease shame, and increase hope for those impacted by stress. This newsletter may not apply to every individual in every context. Every individual is unique and newsletters cannot speak to all of the nuances and complexities of human nature. This information is not intended to replace therapy or recommendations from healthcare providers. Seek an assessment from a trusted mental health professional for recommendations specific to your needs.
